How to be Popular-Spoof

There are several steps you must follow to ensure that you will become popular.

step 1: Stop trying. If you try and do well in school then people will think you're a nerd. JUST to ensure that no one thinks you're a nerd, fail stuff on purpose.

step 2: Appearance. Probably the most important step of all. Not only must you worry about your clothes, but you must ALSO worry about your facial expression and body language.

Clothes: No matter how well you follow the other steps, unless you wear skinny jeans, UGG boots and graphic t-shirts, you will never be popular. Because wearing skinny jeans is sooooo original.

Facial expression: Leave your mouth slightly open and always look up and slightly to the right. This will give the illusion that you are really above everyone and that you have a laid back attitude. ALSO, if you're a girl, purse your lips slightly.

Body Language: If you're a guy, then either cross your arms or make weird hand gestures like Justin Beiber so expertly shows us in his music videos. IF you're a girl, then there a many options. You can either hold your hands across your stomach like you're trying to hide something, you can hold you shoulders up slightly and let your hands loose OR you can have one arm like you're crossing your arms and the other hand kind of flailing out.

Hair: If you're a guy, you can't be popular unless you're hair is windswept. To make sure your hair stays in place, constantly shake your head so your hair goes to one side. Don't be afraid to use a hat or hood to keep your hair in place. The hat or hood part is very important. IF you're a girl, always straighten your hair without using protecter on your hair, so that you're hair is very cheap looking and especially tacky. You cannot be popular if you don't have tackily-straightened hair WITH side bangs. You can even add to the tackiness of this look if you randomly place a cheap plastic head band over your hair.

step 3: How to speak. When you talk, always always ALWAYS use words excessively. Look around and fidget when you speak so people don't think you're too obsessive. Chew gum or pretend to. Hesitate and say "like" and "um" a lot. An example would be: "So, like, I told her that um, she was just being a, um, jerk. I mean like, you don't just go around acting like a jerk. She's just such a, uh, um, like a jerk" Use this as a template for you conversations.

step 4: How to listen: ALWAYS look VERY bored and uninterested. Look around and chew your gum obnoxiously loud. Say "uh huh" randomly and off of the rhythm in which they speak. ALSO pull out your phone and start texting your buddy or pull out a nail file and start filing your nails.

step 5: NEVER repeat NEVER be yourself. You don't want people to like the real you, you want them to like the plastic bubble that you allow yourself to be swallowed up in.

BE WARNED: Once you master all of these steps, people will start to follow you. A lot. You will be soooo popular that you can't even handle it. Don't say you weren't warned.

AH HEM!!! What about all of the people who aren't like this? Oh yeah, I forgot, we're total social outcasts. It's sad, but true, that this is the definition of popular: POPULAR; and adjective used to describe someone with no real personality. Popular is also used to describe people who try to hard to make it seem like they don't try.

Am I right? Though so. I know it's cliche, but just be yourself. What people define as popular, is someone with no soul or potential. Don't be that person, you're all better then that. Let me be the first person today to let you know that you are a great person with even greater potential:)

Nothing in my hand, I leave you yearning for the next post. If there is one. lol